ADHD Help

As a child psychologist, I find that it is much easier to suggest
strategies to others than to successfully manage your own family. When
dealing with others, you can be much more objective and dispassionate.
Your emotions don’t interfere nearly as much. With your own children,
however, it’s an entirely different ballgame.

I also believe that the tricky part of being a therapist isn’t coming up
with suggestions but rather helping the parents figure out what to do
after your initial recommendations don’t work. Children with ADHD are
quite good at playing adults against each other. They also appear to be
good at learning your plan and figuring out how to work it to their
advantage in ways you probably never imagined. That is why you need to
be flexible, able to change the strategy as needed. Raising
psychologically healthy children is still an art rather than a science.

Help For ADHD

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ADHD can have a multitude of effects on the entire family. To begin
with, it is not unusual for a child who has ADHD to attract
significantly more of his or her parents’ attention than the other
children receive. Just remember the old saying, “The squeaky wheel gets
oiled.” The other children can become jealous because they do not get
as much attention. They also can take advantage of the situation
because their parents are not paying close attention to them. What I
mean is that they can get away with doing wrong things because their
parents are busy paying attention to their sibling who has ADHD.

Since so many children with ADHD also have ODD, the frequency and severity of
arguing and yelling can increase significantly. This can cause other
family members either to withdraw, become angry, or to become more
aggressive themselves. Parents of children who have ADHD frequently
feel frustrated, inadequate, guilty, exhausted, and depressed. Many of
these parents end up in psychotherapy themselves. Since children who
have ADHD are good at playing people against each other, they can cause
problems between their parents or between their siblings. Please write
to me to tell me more specific ways that a child with ADHD has affected
your family life.

drc@adhd1.net

A high percentage of children with ADHD , particularly boys, also have Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). ADHD alone can create friction within the family. ADHD, when combined with ODD, can make family life much more challenging. I have known parents who did not want to go home after work and face the frequent conflicts. Some were also concerned that if they did not go home, the problems might escalate even more. Family life with ADHD and ODD can become quite unhealthy for children and parents alike.

It is better to act than to react. In order to improve the situation it is a good idea to have a plan in place to improve family communication and cooperation. Consequences need to be clearly stated, and parents must follow through. I also want families to have fun together and accomplish goals as a team. I want people in families to treat each other with respect.

I have created a program specifically designed to encourage more peaceful families. The program takes into account the special needs of children with ADHD. I will be presenting the program in the near future in a series of teleconferences. I hope you will be able to attend.

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