ADHD Help

I had a difficult day today at work. Working with young soldiers in crisis is seldom easy , and it takes a lot out of me. By the end of my day, I felt dazed and confused. I had a date for tennis after work and was concerned regarding whether I’d be able to focus well enough to avoid getting hurt out there on the courts. My other thought was that when I arrived home, I’d only be able to “veg out” on the couch in front of the television. I had absolutely no desire to come home and write anything for my webpage.

Luckily, the tennis revitalized me. It reminded me of the importance of taking care of yourself before you try to take care of others. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of your children!

When I was a child, (this is when Elwood would say, “Now we’re really talking ancient history!”), one parent, usually the mother, stayed home to take care of the children and the house. Families did not have as many consumer goods, but we also, in those days, didn’t have available all of the amazing technology to attract our dollars.

When I was in graduate school, we were told that we should be trained as leisure counselors since computers would give us all much more spare time. Of course most of us now have much less time.

Almost everybody works. At the end of the day both parents are exhausted. Neither has the energy to spend time with the children and cope with family business.

So, what’s the answer?

One answer is to give up some of the consumer goods and have one parent stay at home. By the way, I am not saying that being a stay at home parent is an easy choice. I think that being a stay at home parent is one of the most difficult, important, underrated, and undervalued jobs in society.

Ok, now I know that most of you won’t follow this suggestion. What’s next?

If you are a single parent, make sure that you have a little extra time for yourself before you return to your children after work. Give yourself a half hour to wind down from your day. That extra time could make all of the difference.

If you have a spouse or significant other, each parent should give the other parent the needed time, even if it is only 15 minutes. It is also important to have a date night once a week. Leave the children with a sitter and go out. Don’t feel guilty. You need and deserve the time to enjoy each other without all of the responsibility. If you can’t afford a sitter, see if you can find another family and swap baby sitting with them. If that is not an option, figure out a way to hire your older children to sit for your younger children while you have a special dinner or watch a movie with your significant other in another room at home. Single parents can try similar strategies/ Where there is a will, there is a way.

If you don’t take care of yourselves, you won’t be able to take care of your children!

Elwood, who is hyperactive, impulsive and easily bored, is often the class clown.

Illustration by Rick Menard.

As a child psychologist, I find that it is much easier to suggest
strategies to others than to successfully manage your own family. When
dealing with others, you can be much more objective and dispassionate.
Your emotions don’t interfere nearly as much. With your own children,
however, it’s an entirely different ballgame.

I also believe that the tricky part of being a therapist isn’t coming up
with suggestions but rather helping the parents figure out what to do
after your initial recommendations don’t work. Children with ADHD are
quite good at playing adults against each other. They also appear to be
good at learning your plan and figuring out how to work it to their
advantage in ways you probably never imagined. That is why you need to
be flexible, able to change the strategy as needed. Raising
psychologically healthy children is still an art rather than a science.

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